about who she is. As an adult, don’t you want to understand how your self-esteem works ? And as parents, don’t we want to help our children develop a healthy self-esteem?
The Self-Esteem Formula
In his book “The Eleventh Commandment” M. Rosen talks about 5 important
factors that help us to better understand how our self-esteem works. Let’s take a look at them and see what we can achieve by consciously working on them.
1. Work on your Self –Concept: Everything starts from what you believe about yourself: “I am weak, I am strong, I am good at… or I am bad at…”
Coaching tip: It’s not about “who you are”, it is about “who you are being” in certain circumstances or at a certain moment of your life. If you don’t like how you “have being”, visualize the person you aspire to be and start working in that direction.
2. Stablish your Existential Position: Is the position I believe I have in relation to the ones that surround me: “I am less than…” or “I am more than…”. Coaching tip: Self-awarness and acceptance of who we are, with our virtues and our flaws, is the best way to restate our position. Learn to say to yourself: “I know who I am and I am enough”.
3. Satisfy your Needs: Everybody has needs and spends a lot time meeting them as well as just deciding whether or not we should give ourselves permission to do so: “I don’t deserve to” or “I deserve to…”. Coaching Tip: Acknowledging ourselves for meeting our need is as important as meeting them. Accepting a compliment simply by saying thank you instead of dowplaying your merit is a good place to start.
4. Get in touch with your Emotions: Your thoughts are manifested through your emotions: Anger, joy, resignation, sadness, enthusiasm. Coaching tip: Let yourself experience the full range of emotions. Don’t be afraid of your negative emotions, they are part of life. It
Is important to understand that you have the ability to decide how long you want to stay in your emotional state and how you will work your way out of it . If you have spent time trying to get out of a negative state and nothing seems to have worked, perhaps it is time to seek help from a mental health professional.
5. Focus in your Behavior: We manifest how we feel about ourselves through our behavior. The most common behaviors are : submission, aggression or assertiveness. Coaching tip: Setting boundaries is a crucial step toward protecting our self-esteem. It is as important as learning how to say “no” and avoiding any resentment that could transform into a negative behavior. Respecting the boundaries of others and the integrity of the people around us will help us to live in harmony and cultivate healthy relationships.